Having friends of the opposite sex

[shuban]

My other half is always saying i shouldnt have any guys as mates, but yet its ok for him to have girls as mates.. Were arguing because even though i have faith that his girl mates are nothin more than mates, i cant help but feel angry and abit jealous.. I want to know what other peoples views are on this? And is it normal for me to feel like this lol?

its perfectly normal for guys to be like that...

it is? 

[R_K]

sadly yes...double standards are rife amongst your species........

[shuban]

i have never been bothered by my partners having guy mates,

why make my insecurities my problem?

[Hussna]

I think its a territorial thing, you see it throughout most animal kingdoms so its no surprise that humans are bound by the same animal instinct. Take for instance a Lion's pride, another male lion is only seen as a threat to the balance of power. I've often heard guys using the phrase 'I'm a guy, I know what he is thinking' lol. They think that because they have those feelings towards their other halves so does the rest of the male population. Even if it is the case in some instances I wouldn't go as far as to agree with Frued and say its the truth in all.

Naturally once your in a relationship you will have less time for your other friends, I guess its about balance. So long as boundries are mantained I don't see the problem of having friends of the opposite sex. I think usually it does arise from the other halves own insecurities but it could be that you have a harmless flirtatious relationship with your friend. Even if nothing comes of it, no one likes to see their partner flirting with someone else so maybe you need to re-evaluate how you behave. As they say, theres no smoke without fire

[lifesatest]

Hi All,

i Hi All,

I feel that the element of trust is required between the two. It is important to network in life and meeting and talking should not cause barriers such as selecting either not to have friends that are either boys or girls.

I for one, when I get married I would allow the misses to have male or female friends. Aslong as there is trust. If a person feels insure then usually partners start to put barriers in place.

[mazi]

Hussna, i dont have a "harmless flirtacious" friendship/r.ship with any of my mates.. And im happy with my other half, so i wouldnt even go that low flirting with others..
I think lot of guys just have double standards, but its not bothering me that much, lol i just wanted everyones views and opinions lol :-)

[Hussna]

Lol, I wasn't accusing you directly of flirting with your male friends just simply stating that it is a possible cause of jealousy. Like I said most of the times its because of the guy's own insecurities.

[Strawberry]

Even though how faithful you are and try to explain it to your other half about male friends i doubt they'll take yes for an answer.
I don't know why husband's are over protective about their wives - though one way i think its good to be strict.

[mazi]

Yes strawberry sis, i agree with u. Id rather have them be strict, than not strict. At least if theyre stricts it shows theyre just looking out for u and your theirs, no one elses, etc.. And islamically the only man whose allowed to look at u, is ur hubby.. Women cant really socialise with males.. But if theyre in a social situation where there are males, then a woman must be dressed modestly and islamically, and also wear a hijab. So in a way i understand why some males are strict, theyre following religion

[Donaldess Duckling]

sweetheart when you first submitted this thread..i got the impression that you wanted to have friends of the opposite sex but you were restricted from having so by your partner.
personaly if your not too bothered about having male friends...just let him be.
if hes friends with girls..its harmless. However if you do feel insecure, just speak to him, and see how he reacts.

[Strawberry]

sweetheart when you first submitted this thread..i got the impression that you wanted to have friends of the opposite sex but you were restricted from having so by your partner.
personaly if your not too bothered about having male friends...just let him be.
if hes friends with girls..its harmless. However if you do feel insecure, just speak to him, and see how he reacts.

I think everyone is getting the wrong end of the stick.
What i think Mazi wanted to know the views of other people what we think - cos what i can assume is that she was kinda confuse,
When her hubby said his allowed to have female friends but she can't have male friends, that could include fb male friends , colleagues, and Uni/College male friends.

[Sulthana]

Yes strawberry sis, i agree with u. Id rather have them be strict, than not strict. At least if theyre stricts it shows theyre just looking out for u and your theirs, no one elses, etc.. And islamically the only man whose allowed to look at u, is ur hubby.. Women cant really socialise with males.. But if theyre in a social situation where there are males, then a woman must be dressed modestly and islamically, and also wear a hijab. So in a way i understand why some males are strict, theyre following religion

It can't be that they're following religion - if that was the reason then those men wouldn't have female friends themselves either, instead of having one rule for them and one rule for their wife. Double standard stinks of possessiveness, jealousy and insecurity rather than religion.

[mazi]

Yes strawberry sis, u know exactly what i meant. X

[Strawberry]

Yes strawberry sis, u know exactly what i meant. X

[akeel]

I have freinds who are guys and girls, but I always keep a respectful distance from the freinds who are girls. After marriage I would keep a further distance and only stay in touch via my wife. I'd want her to do the same.

[Donaldess Duckling]

Hi All,

i Hi All,

I feel that the element of trust is required between the two. It is important to network in life and meeting and talking should not cause barriers such as selecting either not to have friends that are either boys or girls.

I for one, when I get married I would allow the misses to have male or female friends. Aslong as there is trust. If a person feels insure then usually partners start to put barriers in place.

 
Marry Me

[Zak1983]

Acquaintances maybe, friends no unless you call them brother or sister, so making it sick if anything happened :| and eliminating any possibility of anything happening.

Guys are shady, so are some women.

Any form of emotional companionship from the opposite sex should come from your partner.

[Hussna]

Acquaintances maybe, friends no unless you call them brother or sister, so making it sick if anything happened :| and eliminating any possibility of anything happening.

Guys are shady, so are some women.

Any form of emotional companionship from the opposite sex should come from your partner.

Calling someone brother doesn't make them blood. I have many friends whom I think of as brothers but would never call them that. Its almost like saying its ok for us to be friends as I have given you this title.

[AK]

Calling someone brother doesn't make them blood. I have many friends whom I think of as brothers but would never call them that. Its almost like saying its ok for us to be friends as I have given you this title.

Yes but they are your friends anyway. Whether you call him your brother or not, is not going to impact your friendship with him, is it? It's not like you're keeping him as your friend because you call him "brother". A girl/guy will keep a friend of the opposite gender regardless of any such "justification" (as you mentioned above).

But at least it serves as abit of a deterrent cos it sounds sick to be anything more with a someone you look to as a brother/sister. Alhough it#s not a very good barrier admittedly as such a "barrier" can easily dissipate, but its better than nothing I suppose.

[Hussna]

Calling someone brother doesn't make them blood. I have many friends whom I think of as brothers but would never call them that. Its almost like saying its ok for us to be friends as I have given you this title.

Yes but they are your friends anyway. Whether you call him your brother or not, is not going to impact your friendship with him, is it? It's not like you're keeping him as your friend because you call him "brother". A girl/guy will keep a friend of the opposite gender regardless of any such "justification" (as you mentioned above).

But at least it serves as abit of a deterrent cos it sounds sick to be anything more with a someone you look to as a brother/sister. Alhough it#s not a very good barrier admittedly as such a "barrier" can easily dissipate, but its better than nothing I suppose.

I've seen girls publicly claim a boy to be their brother who then go on to marry their darling fake sibling and vice versa. Reminds me of individuals who eat non-halal meat and justify it by saying, 'its ok i said Bismillah' Blood is thicker then water, everyone calling each other brother/sister and not following it up with the deserved respect only devalues the term.